It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
