so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think your dad took our porno
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
