I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
