Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
