i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize