You're my little dorito
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
