im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
