I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize