You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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