Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
