I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
