I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
