I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
