I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
