nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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