OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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