U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
