I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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