I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize