mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
