You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize