Sry I called you an 8
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
