I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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