dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
