so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
