you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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