bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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