My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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