The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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