Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
