Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
