He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
