Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where is the hickey?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
