I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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