ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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