I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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