I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
