It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
