look no pants
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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