He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
