All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
