Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
