So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
