i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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