I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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