i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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