If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
