i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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