She announced her abortion via fbk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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