Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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