im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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