i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
