Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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