This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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