So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
