We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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