I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never joke about your clitoris.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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