the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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