i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
