Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
