She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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