Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
