I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
