he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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