i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
