THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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