i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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