Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's the barista slut.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
