I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
