My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i dont even know how to be here
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
