The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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