Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
