i think my tv is drunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
