I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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