Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
