Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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